I certainly do. The physical effects can be painful, uncomfortable and humiliating. Financially - draining: I have spent thousands on specialist appointments, procedures and treatment. Personally - loss of friends, strains on relationships, changes socially. Professionally - struggling to stay focused, needing to take time off. Emotionally - feeling inadequate somehow, incapable, and weak. Mentally - the determination to keep going, hampered by exhaustion and doubt.
Yes, the black dog comes to visit. Often.
The Black Dog Institute has this wonderful picture book - depicting depression as an enormous dog that follows you around - overshadowing you, holding you back. My favourite image, and one I can certainly relate to is this:(www,blackdoginstitute.org.au)
If you are struggling emotionally & psychologically as a result of your infertility, you are not alone! The Harvard Medical School found in a study that up to 54% of infertile women suffer from depression. It states that the stress of the non-fulfilment of a wish for a child has been associated with "anger, depression, anxiety, marital problems, sexual dysfunction, and social isolation."
One piece of advice I would like to leave with is the way my mindset has changed & my outlook has improved since seeing a good psychologist. The study I mentioned above found cognitive behavioural therapy, and/or support groups to be the best treatment. If you can relate to the image above, struggling to sleep because of the thoughts - the obsession - of infertility, try mindfulness. There's a free app called 'Headspace' that I listen to at night that takes you through a 10 minute meditation session, helping you to "smile more and sleep better" - www.headspace.com.
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