The common emotion across infertility forums, blogs and articles is one of bitter, self-entitled spite. An outsider could easily make judgement - but as one who has felt the pain and anger at the injustice of infertility, I get it!
When I first started trying to fall pregnant I spoke to friends (at least 5 I can think of right now) who weren't even thinking about having a baby. It was the furthest thing from their minds. Those friends have celebrated the first birthday of their babies in the last few months. So, no, it is not fair. Yes, it is my turn. What can I do about it? Absolutely nothing! I think it's the helpless lack of control that is the most infuriating.
My sister started trying for her second child a year after I did. She said she wanted it to happen for me first, and was scared to tell me when she found out she was pregnant. On the phone I was overjoyed for her - and that wasn't a ruse - I love being an Aunty (and Ruby is gorgeous by the way). But as soon as I got off the phone I sobbed on the kitchen floor. "It was my turn!" I told Dom. "You're next" he said.
So, I went to, literally, dozens of baby showers, bought gifts, empathised with morning sickness, back ache- followed by sleepless nights, teething etc. Don't get me wrong, most friends were great, if not awkwardly reserved. I can't explain why these people getting pregnant affects those who are struggling to - I know that my friend getting pregnant is not her actually pushing in on some waiting line. I know it's not a logical reaction. I think it just comes down to the question we all ask ourselves-
Why?
Why her and not me?
I had a young teenage student fall pregnant accidentally - difficult to see God's plan when it makes no sense.
I have learned a lot since that first year of disappointment. I know when to distance myself, what to say to those around me, and how to try to trust that God is in control. There will be pregnant women. Everywhere. There will be prams and cute kids on swings and Facebook updates and pregnancy announcements daily. It's learning to live with it that is so hard, but so important.
I read a really great post on this - so very true:
https://yetanotherbitterinfertile.wordpress.com/2013/05/16/tired-of-being-sensitive-to-my-infertile-
friend/
It is definitely so hard watching everyone around you have a baby, and it's even harder with they then have baby #2 and you are still waiting!! BUT one day it WILL be your turn!!
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